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Home arrow Health arrow Mental Health arrow Loving Yourself After a Breakup: 10 Ways to Find Peace of Mind

Loving Yourself After a Breakup: 10 Ways to Find Peace of Mind

Written by Edibel Quintero, RD
Fact checked by Rosmy Barrios, MD
Last update: October 8, 2023
8 min read 1143 Views 0 Comments
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Going through a breakup may disrupt inner peace, so how can you love yourself again?

loving yourself after a breakup

A failed relationship can lead to low self-esteem. 

Not feeling good enough will negatively affect your long-term mental health. This means you won’t have any inner peace throughout the healing process. Of course, breakups cause sad and painful emotions, but focusing on self-care is very important for overcoming negative thoughts. 

Think about how you want to experience life and use that to achieve the best version of yourself. From finding a support system to working on self-improvement, you’re bound to discover something helpful. Are you ready to do those necessary acts of self-love?

In this article, you’ll learn 10 ways to heal from a breakup.

How to Start Loving Yourself After a Breakup: 10 Tips to Help You Heal

A breakup can be a traumatic event that can spark negative emotions and self-loathing. You may feel worthless, especially if the other person didn’t end the relationship well. Looking after your mental and physical health is essential to self-love, so don’t neglect your own needs during the healing phase.

Here are 10 ways you can love yourself after failed relationships:

#1 Allow yourself to grieve

You need to let the grieving process flow. 

The pain might seem unmanageable, but you’ll only cause more pain if you don’t let emotions out. You may feel the urge to cry or sit in your room alone to process the news. All of this is completely normal, so don’t hold back or mask grieving through unhealthy habits.

Give yourself plenty of time to be sad during the first breakup stage. Emotions can be too overwhelming if you refuse to experience those painful feelings. You might shut people out as well, but let them know that you need space and time to grieve the breakup properly.

#2 Remember that it takes two

Both you and your ex are dealing with the sudden change. Remember that you’re not the only one suffering from a breakup. Even though you can’t make contact with the other person during this time, think about staying strong for them and not taking the loss personally. 

#3 Find a support system 

You don’t need to go through a breakup alone. Family and friends are always there to bring self-awareness. Instead of focusing on your past relationship, contact people to hang out with. Going for a simple walk every day could raise your spirits and diminish any bad thoughts. 

A study found that having social groups can increase happiness levels. This is great for gaining support from friends. If you feel like a better person around family and friends, choose to hang out with them on low days. 

#4 Clean your place

Cleaning your place might sound like a random thing to do. However, you may have possessions that belong to your ex. You can clear these out to give you peace of mind. Some people can’t look at items that remind them of the relationship and shared memories.

Return your ex’s belongings to help relieve any pain. Consider getting a friend or family member to deliver the items to their door. Remember that seeing your ex in person again could trigger more self-doubt, so avoid being in their presence when healing a broken heart. 

#5 Cut off contact with your ex

Consider cutting contact completely with your ex. This means phone numbers and emails that might make it tempting to talk to them. Moving on requires this kind of mental strength. You need to think about how they’re out of your life and why you should focus on being happy.

You can also unfollow any of their social media accounts. Them posting happy photos or memories with someone else could prolong your grieving process. It might be challenging to remove them, but it’s the first step to healing properly and achieving self-compassion.

Also, talk to your friends about social media blocking. Friends will know not to provide updates on what your ex is currently doing. Don’t forget, your ex is probably trying to heal as well, so give them the space they need by removing any possible form of contact. 

#6 Start journaling 

Noting down how you feel each day could release some adverse emotions. You don’t need to bottle up any thoughts that could make you feel worse in the future. Get a journal and write about your daily moods, opinions on relationships, and goals for reaching happiness.

Studies have proven that journaling improves mental distress and anxiety symptoms. A total of 70 adults had better management over their depression when writing down how they felt. This is a great indication that journaling is a more uplifting treatment for healing a broken heart. 

#7 Take a break from dating

Focusing more on yourself rather than relationships can leave room for self-love. Consider taking a break from the dating scene to heal properly and start treating yourself with respect. It takes time to find someone that is right for you and can mesh well with your personality.

#8 Stay busy

Staying busy is probably one of the best ways to stop thinking about the breakup. Your mind is focused on other things that don’t require mental effort. Some great things to do include long-distance runs, cinema trips with friends, visits to family households, and cleaning. 

Being alone in your room leaves time for the brain to get overwhelmed again. It might feel tempting to stay in bed and never move, but that won’t erase bad memories. To really practice self-care, spend time with your loved ones, and follow hobbies that actually make you happy. 

You could even plan your days ahead of time. That way, you’ll have a busy schedule that encourages more motivation. Grab a journal and take a moment to write your plans over the next month. Plus, journaling is a fun way to stay distracted when you feel miserable. 

#9 Work on self-improvement

The actual process of self-improvement can be incredibly nourishing for the mind. 

Finding ways to build healthy habits and eliminate negative self-talk could improve your current grief. This should be a time when you focus on healing the pain. Start setting goals that you want to achieve, like becoming more active or practicing meditation techniques. 

Caring for your mental health ensures future thoughts stay positive. If you think anger could be managed better, try breathing exercises to improve your anger levels. Small improvements like this, no matter how silly they might appear, could push you toward more self-love.

#10 Rebuild your trust in love

You might believe that all hope is lost when it comes to finding love again. Changing this mindset could rebuild your trust in future relationships. People tend to come and go in your life, so don’t take things personally when something doesn’t work out the way you want.

Why Is It Hard to Love Yourself After a Breakup?

Sometimes, you just can’t let go after the breakup. You might think about all the mistakes you made and how you’re not worthy of self-love. Focusing on this mindset makes it hard to find peace and save your current mental state from sadness.

At this point, the very idea of love may seem undesirable. People tend to think about all the things they did wrong while in a relationship. Naturally, once you feed the low self-worth thoughts, you’ll begin to hate yourself, feel like others hate you, and everything that comes with a potential romance. 

Instead, learn to fall in love with your personality before meeting someone else. You could meditate to gain a new perspective on self-awareness. Studies also show that meditation manages stress, improves your mood, and even lowers high blood pressure spikes.

What Are the 5 Stages of a Breakup?

The five stages of a breakup comprise denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These phases will be different for everyone and may not arrive in order. Just remember that experiencing up and down emotions is natural for your heart to heal.

Being in denial means you don’t want to accept the bad news. Your brain thinks it was a mistake and tries to reverse any bad feelings. During this time, you might also be in shock from the breakup, so grief hasn’t properly kicked in enough to cause a broken heart. 

Anger comes when you still can’t accept the failed relationship. You could feel resentment toward your ex for putting you through heartbreak. This also leads to bargaining, which means you’ll try to fix the relationship or even become friends or fix the pain.

Depression and acceptance are when you truly process the whole ordeal. Once the depressive symptoms have passed, you can piece together what happened. This is important for practicing self-love to ensure you don’t spend your entire life feeling romantically lost.  

Some people might even experience depression after accepting the breakup. It depends on how your mind overcomes the initial shock. Remember that there isn’t a right way to overcome this grief, so take one small step at a time to avoid becoming overwhelmed.

How Long Does It Take to Heal After a Breakup?

The time it takes depends on your coping mechanisms and how the relationship ended. Breaking up on bad terms usually sparks more negative feelings. One poll conducting market research found that it takes 3.5 months to heal and regain a good emotional state.

Feeling better doesn’t happen overnight. Your mind and body need time to heal and process negative feelings. Of course, there are ways to speed up the healing time, but it’s all down to your needs. You might need 5 months to adjust and open up about the relationship ending.

There are some things that could remind you of your ex. This will instantly worsen your heartbreak and delay the healing time. Make sure to eliminate these obstacles and focus on enjoying your life, as you’ll soon realize that reminiscing is a waste of time and energy.

If you’re struggling to truly move on, consider seeking help from a therapist. A professional will listen to your thoughts and feelings before deciding the best coping mechanisms. Therapy isn’t always comfortable for everyone, but it’s worth trying when healing grief and pain.

A Word From a Psychologist

Breakups aren’t something you can overcome in a matter of hours. Taking care of your long-term health is important during healing, even when you feel like doing nothing. Little acts of appreciation, like treating yourself to some gifts, could be the start to achieving self-love.

Of course, it’s easy to believe that love is just an illusion or that you’ll grow old without finding the right partner. This is the mindset that dampens your sense of self-worth. The relationship ended for a reason, so remember that when you’re trying to heal challenging emotions.

Take one healing stage at a time and always practice self-respect. To see your real self, set dedicated days for hobbies that make you happy. You could go for morning walks, take yoga classes, paint at home, clean the whole house, treat yourself to shopping, or buy delicious food.

Being alone isn’t a bad thing, so use this time to find inner peace. It can actually help you develop a better understanding of your actions and thoughts. A study found that alone time increases empathy, which could encourage you to reconnect and interact with people.

Always talk to a medical expert if the grieving becomes too much. There are therapists who can listen to your thoughts and feelings. If therapy doesn’t feel comfortable, consult with family members and close friends about how you can heal from a short or long-term relationship.


So, how can you love yourself after a breakup?

Simple things like positive self-talk and staying busy throughout the day could improve the healing process. Everyone is different when it comes to relationships and breakups. Always find something that works for you, which could be to set healthy boundaries in your life.

Just remember to seek professional help if you’re struggling with your mental health.

Written by Edibel Quintero, RD
Edibel Quintero is a medical doctor who graduated in 2013 from the University of Zulia and has been working in her profession since then. She specializes in obesity and nutrition, physical rehabilitation, sports massage and post-operative rehabilitation. Edibel’s goal is to help people live healthier lives by educating them about food, exercise, mental wellness and other lifestyle choices that can improve their quality of life.
The article was fact checked by Rosmy Barrios, MD
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Written by Edibel Quintero, RD
Fact checked by Rosmy Barrios, MD
Last update: October 8, 2023
8 min read 1143 Views 0 Comments

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